The Meanest Plague: A Commentary on Cyberbullying

At one time, the term plague pretty much applied to a contagious physical illness that used to leave a terrified city with numerous bodies piling up in the streets.  The cause was often unknown and usually blamed on the supernatural or God's anger.  Modern scientists have often found the cause to be something apparently harmless, like a tick that lives on rats.  Hygiene and science have kept many epidemics in check, though some still threaten us.

In the end, though, the biggest threat to humanity has always been ourselves.  We are truly our own worst enemy.  Our technology, often developed to make a better and brighter future, often winds up getting used to indulge the worst side of our natures as well.

Humans being jerks to each other is hardly new.  The behavior has probably been around since the first Homo Sapien.  However, for many years, bullying had its limits.  Essentially, it was confined to a certain boundary--like high school or a town.  Maybe people did it behind your back or in front of your face, but you usually knew who was insulting you.  Since people had to take credit for insults or bullying, many individuals opted to avoid confrontations and not say anything--even if you were annoying them or they didn't like you.

The internet, though, has changed all that.  You can get insulted by someone you don't even know who lives in country you have never heard of.  Anonymity emboldens those who normally would not say anything to your face if they met you in person.  Because of this, a new type of digital plague is out there loose on the internet.

When I started having a popular video on Youtube, I learned very quickly that I needed to develop a thick skin.  I was really shocked by the horrible comments that were posted to this video, and I almost deleted it--until I saw that it was my most popular video, and it was my biggest moneymaker.  What I did do was start moderating it, and that put an end to the nasty comments.  What I couldn't figure out was how a video about making your own clay could inspire such spite.

I started a thread on one of the forums I'm on, and while I wasn't shocked by the reasons people gave for cyberbullying (wanting attention, for laughs, wanting to make other people unhappy because they are unhappy, low self esteem, etc.), I was shocked to learn that most of the people who commented had participated in this sort of behavior.  With all the things you can do on the internet--study a foreign language for free, chat with friends, read online books, play online games, watch music videos, watch other types of videos, watch porn--why do people choose to insult total strangers?

I quickly learned it was a bad idea to respond to trolls with a nasty comment.  Not only could you escalate the confrontation, but it essentially makes you look like a jerk to other people.  While the troll may seem like an immature jerk, you don't earn any dignity by writing, "You are a big doodie head!"  If you can moderate the site, that is the best solution.  If not, ignoring them is probably the second best thing.

Another reason why it was a bad idea to insult the trolls is that often it turned out the troll was a child.  I don't like to say that young people are more prone to being trolls--since adults can be buttholes too--but I have to admit that most of the nasty comments I've received have been from kids.  It just doesn't look good for an adult to write, "Eff you, a**hole!" to an eight year old.

That children often are trolls is not really surprising.  I tend to believe that one of the major reasons for trolling is that people feel frustrated in their lives, and they take this out on other people.  I have often found trolls are often people who come from strict religious upbringings.  Many of the kids who are trolls, when you look at their videos, their parents always seem too busy to pay attention to them.  I notice that videos that often get negative comments from kids usually have a person who looks like they have a good home life.

Some trolls may be out for laughs and offense may not really be meant.  This is particularly a problem with people who mimic what they see on television and don't think about what they are actually saying.  I remember when I was a child, I'd say a woman dressed like a prostitute.  I thought it was funny, and I thought it just meant someone was overdressed.  I didn't realize how insulting it was.  I don't remember what show I had watched where this had been said, but I was mimicking.

I have learned on Youtube to also not assume that someone is insulting me.  I've taken offense plenty of times to comments, but I gave people the benefit of the doubt that they weren't insulting me.  As it turns out, in most cases, the people hadn't meant them as insults.  They were just people who put things badly.  This can be particularly a problem with people who are non-native speakers, for they don't always realize certain idioms or words have a negative meaning.

For example, when I made my "How to Make Jonni Good's Gesso" video, I didn't know how to pronounce the word gesso correctly.  I assumed it had a hard g sound, and it turns out it has a j sound.  Several people have commented on this.  However, as annoying and embarrassing as this is, I realized that none of them meant to be mean.  They were people who just felt strongly about pronunciation.  Usually, when you come across such a person, it is because they have been criticized for their pronunciation.  Some of the students I tutor in English agonize over every syllable and vowel in the English language because they want to speak without an accent, and I personally don't care--and I consider them triumphant if I can just understand what they are saying to me, even if they use a long i when they should use a short i.

Some people claim they troll to reveal the hypocrisy of things.  Generally, I think this is just an excuse to be a jerk, but I do recall one article--which had attracted a lot of trolls--where I could see what provoked the reaction.  I don't think it was intentional.  What had made the trolls' comments upsetting was that it was made on a page about a girl who had been viciously raped and murdered.  Unfortunately, the presentation of the article gave a bad underlying message.  The parents had been talking about how their daughter had been a straight A student, she had been a good person, etc.--the typical thing parents often say.  However, somehow the article gave you the impression that it was being stated that this girl didn't deserve to die because she had been a straight A student, a good person--she wasn't like other girls who get murdered who usually do something to deserve it.  To make things worse, the killer/rapist who had killed this girl had killed another girl--a younger girl--and not much was being said about her.  I do not believe that the author of the article or the parents meant to give this message.  Sometimes how we say things just comes out wrong.

When I was younger, I resented hypocrisy more.  I didn't understand why people didn't just say what they meant, and if they didn't mean it...why they just didn't keep it to themselves.  Of course, the problem was, when I was younger, I didn't pick up when people meant things and when they didn't.

As an adult, I have grown to appreciate hypocrisy.  When you are busy with your life or you just don't want to enter certain relationships, hypocrisy smooths things over.  If I encounter someone who has had a loved one die, I will say, "I'm sorry for your loss."  Do I mean it?  I may not know the person or their dead relative, so no.  Maybe I thought the dead person was a butthole and am glad he/she is dead.  Why say this if I don't mean it?  Because when I say this, I am saying, "I am acknowledging that you are in pain, and I don't want to add to it--so I am saying this sentiment to communicate this."  In the end, even if people don't sympathize with us, the fact that they may think enough about us to not want to hurt our feelings is enough.

I have often found that when schools use my videos, for I do many instructional videos, I am more prone to getting negative comments.  I think it is students who are angry with their teachers or frustrated with the course itself.  However, these videos often become popular and make the most money--and that usually eases the pain of the insults.  Dislikes used to be traumatizing until I noticed that I made more money when my videos were disliked.  Of course, I prefer likes--but people who take the time to dislike the video, take the time to watch the advertisement that is making me the money...and perhaps they are also more likely to click on ads, which earns me money.

What is tough, though, is that I have found that on days when I am depressed and could really use a compliment--those are inevitably the days that I get a nasty comment.  When you are already feeling low, a stupid insult can ruin your entire day.

I remember when I was in fourth grade, my classmates picked on a kid in the classroom.  I am afraid I was guilty of this too.  One reason was that to not be part of the group invited me to be picked on.  However, the boy that was picked on scared all of us.  I realize now that he suffered from schizophrenia, but the teachers had not told us this...and being children, we couldn't quite put our finger on what bothered us.  So we teased him for his big lips.  The problem with this is that the teachers assumed, because the kid was black, we were being racist--even though the kid creeped out the teachers too.  Of course, teasing people with a mental illness is not nice either...but what the problem really was is that he scared us, and we didn't know why.

Anyway, my teacher told us a story about a group of kids who teased their classmate, and the classmate committed suicide, and that is why we shouldn't tease other children.  At the time, I rather resented this guilt trip.  I thought she was over-reacting.  However, I have to admit, from then on I was careful about how I treated my classmates.  I became aware that the stupid little things I said could devastate another person.  After all, you don't really know what goes on in other people's lives.  A person may be trying to find reasons not to throw themselves in front of a train, and a comment that they are fat could push them over the edge.

Like a plague, though, I find that nasty begets nasty.  A person leaves a negative comment on one of my videos.  They may be a student who failed a test and is angry at their teacher who recommended my video.  I get upset, and then I yell at someone else because I'm unhappy.  I actually try not to do this, but sometimes when you are hurting, it is really hard not to spread the misery.  I hate the person who insulted me, and yet I find myself behaving in the same way.  To not wound others when you are wounded is a very hard thing to practice.  We spread negativity this way, and that is when it becomes a plague.  For myself, I try to do my part in stopping it by not indulging the desire to spread the misery, though it is very hard to do so.

Even though cyberbullying and trolling are a problem, I do have to say that the majority of the comments I get are positive ones.  The internet has been nice to me too.  In fact, the positives have outweighed the negatives.  I have a career as an online business woman.  I have met many wonderful people, and many people have enjoyed my videos.  When someone says that I have helped them or says something nice, I feel like Queen of the World.