Making Your Emotions Work For You

My Inside Out

The Philosophy of Inside Out

When I reflect on my life, I realize I have been afraid of my emotions for years.  My biggest fear, I think, is losing control.  I have felt despair so black that I have considered taking my own life.  I have been so afraid, it has taken me fifteen minutes to plug in a vacuum cleaner because I was afraid of the electrical plug.  I have to force myself to get out of my house because I am prone to agoraphobia.  I have been amazed that I have lived forty years with a bad temper and have managed not to knife anybody, though certainly there have been many times where it was tempting.  I think one of the reasons why I'm afraid to drive is not only all the terrible things that could happen to me (car accident, car jacking, breaking down, etc.), but the fear that I would lose my temper over road rage. I feared my emotions, and I didn't do anything that put me at risk of activating them.  I lived in a controlled environment.  As a result, I didn't actually do much living.  Only recently has it occurred to me that I have more control over my emotions than I realized.

When I saw the movie Inside Out, it occurred to me that emotions actually have a function--even the ones we don't like experiencing.  I am prone to depression, but I have realized that there is one benefit of depression.  I am a very active person with a lot of interests.  If I didn't have depression slowing me down, I'd probably would have killed myself from over-exertion by now.  Fear protects us from harm and warns us of potential dangers.  Anger probably is our ally if we ever have to fight in the flight/fight response.  Anger and sadness warn us when something is not right.  I also believe that these emotions, though troublesome when not handled maturely, actually promote spiritual growth.  I have probably learned more from my negative emotions than the pleasant emotions.  I believe many virtues spring from sadness and anger, like compassion.  Anger was the motivator of social justice.  Sadness inspires empathy.

Of course, the problem with emotions is that we get them right away...long before we have the maturity to handle them well.  When our emotions are out of control, they are detrimental to us.

After watching Inside Out, I decided to change my outlook.  What if my emotions are my friends?  I started actually picturing them as little people inside my head.  This actually wound up helping me because I was able to slow my thoughts down enough so that they were observable.  It can be hard to know how you are feeling when thoughts are rushing through your mind.

The Misguided Pursuit of Happiness

I belong on a happiness forum.  I am finishing up my second year.  I have made a lot of progress, though I have my bad times.  They are less frequent, though, and they tend to be shorter now in duration.  I have started conquering many of my fears, and I am trying new things.  I still haven't conquered my fear of driving, but that is a very deep rooted fear.  I have stayed mainly for the friends I have made.  I have met many people who share my interests.

I had considered leaving, though, because the happiness forum has attained many misguided individuals.  This, of course, is going to happen.  People come because they are unhappy, but people are at different points of awareness.  This new group has come with the intention of doing away with all negativity.  They only want to surround themselves with positive things.  This idea is a common mistake people develop when they first pursue happiness.  They fail to recognize the function of their other emotions.  Our negative emotions often put us on the path of wisdom.  We suffer, but often we learn a valuable life lesson.  Besides, it is also impossible to avoid negativity.

There was once this Simpsons episode where Lisa tries to teach Mr. Burns how to be more eco-friendly.  She shows him how fish can get trapped in plastic rings that bind soda cans together.  She is horrified to find that Mr. Burns has learned from her, but he uses the lessons to be an evil industrialist.  He recycles plastic rings to make fishing nets.  I have often felt this way with this new group on my happiness forum.  It can be horrifying to see how people can take the good lessons from the activities and apply them in a dysfunctional way.  We have quite a few abused women on the forum.  They use the exercises "See Things From Their Point of View" to empathize with their abusers.

These people's lives are going to hell, and I guess they want an escape.  They don't need any more unhappiness or negativity.  They might even believe that their mindsets are causing their problems, and that may be true to some degree.  Unfortunately, they tend to be rude to anyone they think is a bummer.  I remember one woman wrote on a post I had written, which detailed a very bad day I had, that I was a very negative person, and she couldn't even finish reading my post because she had come to this forum to be surrounded only by positive things.  This comment both angered and upset me.  For one thing, I had written many positive posts, and she chose to judge me on the one that I wrote when I had a bad day.  The reason why I had liked this forum is that people discussed their problems.  It wasn't a bitch fest, though.  People offered support and advice.  We could help each other by our insights into problems we shared.  If nothing else, you felt better knowing there were others who shared your problems.  These "everything must be sunny" people were insensitive and demeaned people by discouraging them to express themselves.

Of course, part of me can understand that you can get so tired of hearing so much negativity, particularly if your life is already a living hell.  I often feel that way on Facebook.  I get so tired of the posts about Donald Trump and politics.  I sometimes wished I would have friends that would put up pictures of their babies or something.  I get tired of hearing people gripe about things that not much can be done about.  So I suppose these "everything must be sunny" people feel the same way.  However, I minded Facebook less when I reminded myself that my friends were not just griping...they were probably expressing their fears.  Since I have shifted my focus, I find I mind their posts less.

Putting Theory Into Practice

Imagining the emotions as little people helped me slow down enough to concentrate on them and what they were saying.  Of course, you often learn things about yourself that are not flattering.  It can be downright embarrassing to analyze your thoughts, because often you find that your thoughts are not as...enlightened as you thought you were.  On the other hand, I have found that admitting that I'm not an enlightened individual has helped me face my flaws and become the person I want to be.  Until you admit your prejudices, your fears, all the dirty aspects of your personality...you cannot hope to eliminate the less attractive traits you have.

A recent incident is a perfect example of how I used my emotions internal discussions to analyze my feelings and determine a course of action.

There have been many people I used to avoid because I worried about having problems.  I avoided anyone who had frowns on their faces or looked unpleasant.  I avoided any culture I didn't have experience with.  I avoided anyone who had befallen a recent tragedy because I didn't know what to say to them.  Most of the reasons for avoiding people were not prejudice per se but anxiety in not knowing how to deal with them.

In the last year or two, I've been moving past my social comfort zone and attempting to connect with people I would have normally avoided.  Though I have encountered difficulties, most of the attempts have yielded good friendships.  I have benefited from expanding my knowledge of other people's lives.  One of the most recent examples is a woman whose son was murdered in a workplace shooting along with eight other people.  I didn't know what to say, but apparently I managed to say the right thing.  The woman claimed I had helped her by giving her an opportunity to talk about it, and she proved to be a gem of a friend in this next situation I am about to relate.

The problem with moving out of your comfort zone is that you are more likely to make mistakes.  If you are dealing with a culture that you are not familiar with, you may do something offensive unintentionally.  You are more likely to say something stupid if you are nervous. You are also putting yourself at risk of getting your feelings hurt by people who offend you.  I find the risks are often worth it.  Most mistakes and misunderstandings are not going to be fatal if you keep a line of communication open and are willing to apologize.  Moving out of your comfort zone also can reveal to you some hidden prejudices within yourself that you didn't know existed.

A few days ago, on the happiness forum, I was reading the post of a man.  I found his face to be rather intimidating looking.  He reminded me of Jafar from Aladdin.  He was talking about how he hoped to own his own house someday, and he would decorate it nicely.  I posted a comment to this post saying that people needed to consider many things when they bought a house.  It is nice to have your own place and form roots, but there are so many things people don't consider that often causes them to be unhappy with a house later.  They want a big yard but don't consider it needs to be mowed.  Old houses and fixer uppers may not meet the needs of today's technology and have to be rewired.  I had meant the comment to be helpful.  Even if a dream is far off, it sometimes is good to consider it from a practical angle.  I also was hoping it would strike up a conversation.  I've actually had interesting conversations in the past with people about their houses.  One of my friends has a house that is over 100 years old, and she believes the ghost of the former owner still lingers because the television in the living room turns on by itself from time to time (and the owner had died in the living room).  It is nice to groan with people about the annoying aspects of repairs and little disasters that happen at inconvenient times.  It is nice to reminisce about all the changes that the house has underwent over the years--the different color paint, markings showing your kids growth spurts, the many pets you have had, etc.

I was absolutely appalled when the man replied to my comment to not respond to his posts in the future, that nobody likes a Debbie Downer, and that negative comments and trolls are not welcome on the forum.  The troll comment particularly stung, since I do videos on Youtube and am often targeted by trolls.  Frankly, I could not understand how what I said could be considered trolling.

The Debbie Downer comment hurt too...but maybe I could understand that more.  I do remember when I was younger, and I would talk about a dream I had that was far off in the future, I got annoyed if someone said something that...brought reality in and made the dream seem impossible or ridiculous.  I remember people doing that to me, but I don't actually remember the dreams I had...so I'll make up an example.  Let us say that I said, "One day I'm going to own an elephant."  Somebody would say, "Well, that is going to be quite a thing to take care of.  Elephants poop a lot.  Elephants also eat a lot, so you will need a lot of money to take care of an elephant.  Then you will need to pay for the vet expenses too."

Did it annoy me?  Yes.  When people mentioned the problems of a dream, I felt like they were saying I couldn't do it.  Of course, really, they weren't saying that.  Saying a person needs to have enough money to feed an elephant and take care of it, be willing to do the maintenance, doesn't mean you can't own an elephant...only that you will need to have money and be willing to care for it.  In the long run, people who mentioned practical points of dreams did me a favor.  It taught me to consider things more carefully and make more realistic dreams that not only could come true, but would be the type of dreams that would bring happiness.  Not considering your dreams can lead you into a nightmare.  I suppose that is why I felt the need to share some of my experience with this man.

This man who had written this post had recently lost his lover.  I realized I may have made a mistake in making my comment to someone who was grieving and probably thinking of some happy thought to cling to.  In this case, maybe it is just better not to mention reality just now.

For that reason, I wrote an apology.

Still, my feelings were quite hurt.  I felt really stupid for not realizing that was a stupid thing to say.  It felt even worse because I had been trying to connect with someone that I was a little intimidated by.  I've had many successes in the past by going beyond my comfort zone, but this one failure was threatening to discourage me.  I felt even worse because suddenly I remembered snapping at people in the past when they brought up practical points I didn't want to consider at the time or when they caught me at a bad time in my life.  I had probably hurt people like this man had hurt me.

I wanted to cry.  The tears were hard to come at first, but they did come.  Part of me hated myself for crying over this. I should shrug this off.  The man had taken offense where none had been intended.  It was a misunderstanding, but there was no reason to snivel over it.  Yet, a part of me felt that if I cried over my hurt, I would find relief quicker.  I have to admit, a good cry is rather refreshing.  I did start feeling better.

I was unnerved, because something seemed missing.  That was when I realized that anger wasn't around.  Where was anger?  He should be here by now, fuming over the injustice, wanting to retaliate with angry words, and fantasize about hunting this guy down and kicking his butt!  Anger didn't care about seeing another person's point of view.  Anger cared about my wounded ego, and he believed a good telling off and butt-kicking were the perfect remedy.  Most of the time, anger never got a chance to act out his plans.  Everything stayed in fantasizing about the telling off and butt-kicking.  In real life encounters, anger had been thwarted by my sensitive respiratory system.  It used to annoy me that I suddenly couldn't breathe when I got super pissed, but now I think of it as a blessing.  It kept me from doing something stupid by debilitating me...and it scared my tormentors silly that they usually backed off.

Anger's words and ideas were going off in my head...but it is like a message player had been activated.  My mind was going through the same reel, but the emotion behind it was absent.  The tape played, "How could I be so stupid?  How come I didn't realize what I had said was an awful thing to say?  I should have never talked to him! After all, he looks like Jafar! I should have known he was evil and mean!"

I wasn't angry.  I was hurt, yes.  Realizing that for once I was not going into a mental tirade felt liberating.  Suddenly, it seemed like I could control my anger if I wanted to...which is something that always seemed impossible to consider before.  I didn't have to spend hours fuming.

I wondered if resorting to crying right away helped keep anger from taking control.  If a person insists on not releasing their hurts with tears, then maybe they get filed away by anger to be used as future ammo.

Without anger clouding my judgment, it was easier to reason this situation out.  I may have made a mistake, but it isn't a bad thing to try and connect with others.  A person can't be socially correct 100% of the time, particularly when dealing with people who are unknowns.  Even if you are around people you understand, there are always days that you are off.  For example, if this man is grieving over a recent loss, I'm probably not meeting him at his best.  It is entirely possible if I made the same comment two years from now, he would react differently.  Besides, when you make a mistake, you learn a lesson.  Middle school had been hell for me because I had been exposed to a different culture that I wasn't familiar with, but all my misunderstandings eventually lead to me becoming someone who got along with people from that culture very well.

One of the most difficult things is to forgive other people for being human.  The next difficult thing is to forgive yourself for the same thing.  In theory, learning to forgive yourself for not being perfect should let you forgive others for not being perfect.  How many people had I hurt in the past?  How many people had I ruin their day by snapping at them?  A lot of times my snarling was ego driven, trying to keep people away so they wouldn't hurt me.  However, I was always the loser.  People would avoid me, and then I felt lonely and isolated.  Resorting to anger to appear powerful so people wouldn't hurt me destroyed one of my friendships.

Anger attempting to protect me from hurt revealed to me the cause of many of my prejudices.  In order to protect me, it wanted to establish some protocol rules.  The problem with these rules were that they were generalities.  Once these rules are form, it is very difficult to disable them, and behold...a prejudice is born.  I've had a horrible time for years because, due to a bad experience I had as a child, one of my rules were "All French people are mean and make fun of me."  I'm quite certain that probably only one French person was responsible for this rule being written, but the problems continued for me because my claws came out automatically whenever I encountered a French person in anticipation for their abuse.  People don't tend to respond well to you when your defenses are activated, and this leads to problems that reinforce your prejudices.  However, more recently, after acknowledging my prejudices, I was able to respond differently and had a better encounter with some French tourists...proving to me that happily, even if we form prejudices, with some work they can be disabled.

My lessons, though, were not over.  Initially, I felt better...though a little sad.  Later in the evening, though, fear rose up.  Fear and anger are thick as thieves.  I realized that much of my anger is rooted in my fears.  I am prone to paranoia.  I worry about looking out the window and seeing torches and pitchforks.

It hadn't occurred to me right away that the man had humiliated me on a public forum.  I was imagining that people were going to post their disgust at what I had said and talk about what a bitch I was.  I imagined nasty comments showing up on my posts.  I had quite a number of followers.  People enjoy my stories and compliment me on my way with words.  People have even said that I helped them with their problems.  But now...everybody is going to think that they were wrong about me.  I will lose all my old and new friends.  The moderator would kick me off.

Fear whispered, "Let's not give them a chance! Let's quit the forum! Let us quit all the forums! I've been telling you for years we should not talk to anybody.  You aren't good with people.  You always say something stupid.  That forty dollars you pay to be on the forum could go towards a new interest."

Though I may have made a mistake in bringing up advice that wasn't welcome, I hadn't said anything that justified being kicked off the forum.  I didn't say anything inflammatory or derogatory in any way.  I didn't support an unpopular idea like "Hitler was Right."  If my friends turned on me, I could say with certainty they were not my friends.

Fear was blowing this out of proportion.  There was a good chance many of my friends wouldn't see the post.  The man had really over-reacted to what I had said.  Maybe the "everything needs to be sunny" people would think I was being a downer, but I think the other people would think he had taken offense where none had been intended.  The worst people could say was what I admitted myself--I gave unwelcomed advice.  Most people are guilty of that at least once in their lives.

I realized what a gem of a friend I had recently made when the woman whose son had been murdered stood up for me, telling the man that I was a kind and caring person...and he had misunderstood what I had been saying.  I felt really grateful to this woman.  She had been one of the people I had worried would turn against me as our friendship is still quite new.  The torches and pitchforks faded a bit in my mind at having someone stand up for me.  You always hope your friends will.

Though I was handling this better than I would have in the past, I did still have some bad reactions to it.  My social anxiety became a little worse, and I felt less confident when I ran errands.  I was less inclined to talk to people or smile at them.  I kicked myself for any failure, whether it happened or not.  I almost asked for a clerk to help me, failing to notice a customer who had been there before me.  The customer came into my view, and I realized there was someone there and stepped back.  I berated myself silently, though, for my inconsideration...though truthfully I had just gotten confused and had thought he was being helped by someone else.  He had been behind me and closer to one of the other counters.

I normally have good self esteem.  However, when someone successfully makes you feel like something nasty on the bottom of a shoe, it can reawaken long silent voices in your head.  I don't know whether everyone has these voices.  In my case, I had suffered some childhood abuse by other relatives, and I always assumed the voices originated from that.  I believe these voices can eventually be silenced for good, or at least lose their power over you.  In fact, I recently was liberated from my bad memories of band that had kept me from enjoying playing an instrument for years.  I have been reunited with my passion for the flute, and this has actually expanded to an appreciation of music and musical instruments in general.  It is a wonderful experience to be liberated from an inner demon that has been a companion for years.

I assume that my social anxiety, though, means that I still have some more work to do in other areas.  What I found interesting--something I had failed to notice before--is that the voices always tell me not to talk to people because I say stupid things.  Was this a message I heard back then?  It is possible.  I would often tell authority figures things that were happening to me, and my abusers were always trying to discredit me.  They also seemed to try and convince me that I was telling lies.

The man that wrote the post didn't reply to my apology.  He did respond to my friend's post.  He said that his defenses had went up because he was still grieving for his lover, and he thought I was making a comment about something he had said earlier.  The man had taken a picture of a house he and his lover had always dreamed of owning.  A strange orb had appeared on the film.  I hadn't actually noticed it because my attention was focused on other details.  I had started my comment by saying, "I don't mean to burst any balloons here, but it is important for people to be honest about what they want in a house."  I had then mentioned my points.  That wasn't the best wording.  I had meant that I wasn't being negative about wanting to own a house, but that a person needs to think about what they want.  The problem is that the wording would cause anyone who was feeling upset to put up their defenses.  I don't know why that hadn't occurred to me when I wrote it, but it didn't.

However, even though I realized my wording had been a bad way to start my point, I was quite ticked when I realized that the man had never went further than the comment about bursting balloons.  He didn't read the rest of the comment.  He assumed that I was going to make a comment that the orb he saw in his picture wasn't the spirit of his lover but a speck of dust on his lens.  I guess I can understand why he would think that from the wording of my comment, but frankly I was still angry.  Now the reason he called me a troll made a bit more sense, but it was totally unjustified! I wasn't making a comment about the orb, and if he had only read several words further, he would have seen that!

Anger had been in the john yesterday, but today he was at the console. (Just a warning here folks, what I'm about to say is going to be ugly...but please understand I'm just recording the thoughts that went through my head.  Reason and goodness prevailed, so please read it through.  I'm recording the negative thoughts because I think they give insight to what fuels them).  This person had made me feel stupid and sad.  I had been contemplating that I should live a friendless life because I am just such a social leper.  He woke up the voices in my head that always tell me I'm stupid and worthless!  HE NEEDED TO DIE! We should tell him off! He thought we were going to say something mean, WELL WE'LL SHOW HIM MEAN! WE'LL SHOW HIM AND EVERYBODY WHO HAS EVER MESSED WITH US THAT YOU DON'T...um, MESS WITH US! I actually don't remember anymore the people who messed with me, BUT I'LL STILL SHOW THEM! AND ANYBODY WHO WANTS TO MESS WITH ME NOW WILL THINK AGAIN AND COWER IN FEAR WHEN THEY SEE MY AWESOME VERBAL ASSAULT. I'M GOING TO LEVEL THIS GUY!

Anger formed his plans.  First, let's attack him where it hurts...the dead lover.  We'll say that his lover is probably glad to be dead because this guy probably made his life miserable when he was alive.  After all, if he only reads the first few words of someone's post, then how well did he listen to his lover? I bet he did the same thing to him and made him cry! Oh, yes! That is good! Then we'll tell him he has an ugly face, followed by an insult directed at his mother--because people always know you mean business when you insult their mothers!  Follow that up with some choice profanity--all the good words--and maybe...yes, maybe some derogatory words! This man belonged to two minority groups, so there was more to work with. I don't normally believe in racist and intolerant views, but when I'm angry...I want the most devastating ammo! What is more devastating than that?  I WANT TO DESTROY THE ENEMY AND MAKE SURE NOTHING CAN RISE UP!

And that is when a little voice in the back of my head said, "You shouldn't say those words.  That is mean!"

Anger says, "IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE MEAN, YOU TWIT! WE ARE FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE!"

The quiet voice of Reason replied, "That only makes things worse.  Fighting fire with fire only makes more fire.  Besides, we'll definitely be kicked off the forum if we do that.  Everything you were afraid of happening will happen, not because of him, but because of what you are planning to do.  Your friends will think differently of you, particularly since many of them are from the minority groups you are planning on insulting.  Think about this too--when you type your name, your videos often show up in Google.  What if this comment shows up too?  It could ruin your business.  This is a really bad idea!"

Reason always speaks softly.  It doesn't scream like anger or fear.  Sometimes that is why it was easy to ignore reason in my youth, but as an adult, this quiet voice often has more power than anger's tirade and fear's histrionics. 

Anger was still muttering at Reason's interference.  If everyone had listened to Anger, I would have never been abused.  People see me as weak because I try to be nice and accept everybody and live up to these ridiculous spiritual ideals, but that attitude--as far as Anger is concerned--only opens the door for more people to abuse you.   People don't see you as compassionate--they see the words CONSTANT SAP written on your head.

Truthfully, if I had listened to anger...I would have ended up in jail.  I doubt it would have prevented the abuse, and it may have put me in the path of getting more of it.

Anger tried one more time to convince Reason he was justified, "This guy didn't even read what was written! He just assumed we were going to say something! He made us feel bad for something we didn't even say! He made us feel like a total jerk for no reason!"

Reason then reminded Anger how not just a week or so ago, we had done the same thing.  A friend of mine had posted an article that had talked about the stupid things people say to someone who is grieving.  I read about three paragraphs of the article before I stopped, getting offended that the woman had attacked some personal beliefs of mine.  I had been angry and had thought some terrible things about my friend.  Did she purposely post this as a passive aggressive way of saying I was stupid?  I managed to keep my temper, and I found out that if I had just finished the article, I would have realized it was just saying that people should be careful to not assume that their religious beliefs are shared by the grieving person...and it may not give them comfort.  Sometimes, even if they do have the beliefs, it isn't comforting anyway.  People grieve because they miss a person, even if they believe they are in a better place.

I had thought some personal beliefs of mine were being attacked and didn't bother to finish the article.  I made the same mistake as this man.  The only difference is that I had restrained myself from saying something negative to my friend, which I'm glad of.

I was still feeling bad, but Anger's plan was thwarted.  I think what actually truly upset me is that the guy didn't respond to my apology.  He explained to my friend, but he didn't try to talk to me.  I really wanted him to talk to me.  I would have liked to have resolved things and maybe still form a connection.  Was it because he disliked me?  He still held a grudge?  He didn't accept my apology?  Or did he feel too embarrassed to say anything, particularly if he realized that I hadn't said what he thought I said?  I've been too embarrassed to apologize in the past.  Anger still insists the guy is a jerk, and who needs him?

Now I see the importance, though, of apologies.  It is common to be too embarrassed or worry that it will only make things worse.  I guess that can happen.  Admitting your mistake to other people doesn't make someone feel better if you don't admit it to them.

Despite some of the less attractive thoughts that had went through my head, I was proud of how I handled this...and I actually learned quite a bit.  Listening to Anger's tirade made me realize that many of my thoughts may be old messages I had heard from my abusers.  I already suspected  that the one that "Kindness makes you weak" was one of those messages.  I felt I had exposed some roots, and this was the key to freeing myself from my demons.

In life, we are going to mess up.  However, there is always an opportunity for growth.  I can't ever say I'm exactly glad to suffer a negative experience, but I always appreciate the wisdom I attain.  If this is the only way to become a better person, then I accept it as the price of wisdom.  My heart gets bruised, but every time it does it gets bigger.  My capacity for happiness increases.  I am more grateful.

And even though he made the last two days unhappy, I am grateful

to this man.  Through this experience, I have learned what I'm

still chained to.  With this knowledge, maybe I can free myself.

As for how this ended...I went on a bike ride and came back home

restored.  The voices had died down again, and the hurt had passed.

UPDATE:  The story does not end there.  The next day, the man responded to my new friend's post that I had recently commented on.  I realized then that yes, he had been horribly embarrassed when he realized his mistake.  I guess he didn't know how to approach it, and this was his way of apologizing.

Oh, man! Am I so glad I did not act on Anger's ideas! That would have made everything so much worse! Times like these, I feel a mixture of happiness, relief, and horror.  The horror is always imagining the alternate reality that could have been had I listened to Anger.  It is examples like these that help me to keep my temper even when I want to blow my top.  Many times, things are not as bad as we make them out to be.  If you can just hang in there and keep calm, then the situation has hope of being resolved.  If you give in to your anger and fear, very likely you will make things worse and make them beyond repair.

I don't know if I was very clear with my point.  It may seem like Anger really wasn't working for me, and if I had given in to his suggestions...no, he wouldn't have.  However, just because you have emotions doesn't mean you have to act on them.  If you listen to them, though, they can give you important clues.  Anger, I'm certain, just played some messages I had acquired in childhood...and now that I realize the root of my anger, I think I can now tackle it.